As far back as I could remember, I have always wrote down my everyday thoughts. Writing about my emotions came so easily to me. Whenever there is something wrong, I turn to pen and paper for an outlet of expression. So naturally, when I went through the ordeal of fostering to adopt, my journal would become my BFF. It is so funny, because at one point I started addressing the letters to him. Call me crazy, but it was emotional therapy to be able to talk to someone without judgment or questions after question. To this day, writing open letters was the best emotion cleansing I have ever had.
Here is one of the letters from my journal.
Dear Baby Boy,
Today was a very exciting day. I just learned that I am coming to visit you in a couple of weeks for the fourth of July. My heart is pounding right now at the thought of even seeing you. I can’t believe it has been almost six months already. Countless phone calls and paperwork later, I will finally be able to see what you look like. I day dream about your features and if you look like your Mom or Dad, or a mixture of both. From what I’ve heard you are a happy and content baby. I’m sorry that you will have to be uprooted from the family you have grown to know and love. You will hate us I’m sure. We will be strangers who scooped you up through the night.
On a brighter note, your room is almost complete. It’s painted a pretty blue, with furniture and all the toys you could wish for. I just need to get some more clothes, diapers and food. We had clothes but they were newborns sizes – thinking you would come home sooner. Your Uncle/Dad will not be able to make the trip with me, but he loves you and can’t wait to meet you. He is so angry at how long this process is taking. I already know he will make a great father. He is so patient and family oriented. Me on the other hand will need a lot of practice, so please bear with me. I’m super terrified of the whole feeding process. Luckily, I hear you are able to hold the bottle on your own and burp. LOL.
If anyone asked me what I would be doing right now at this time in my life, I would never have guessed that I would be married. Especially married with taking in a baby at twenty four. It’s funny how life plays out. For the longest time I have walked through life chasing something that I felt was missing. I’ve had the feeling of a missing void. But since I’ve learned of you, the feeling has subsided. My life makes sense, as if something is pulling me towards you. Weird right…you will soon learn how weird I naturally am. 🙂
I have to run out and do some errands. I love you and will write again soon!
Have you ever written a letter during your foster adoption phase? If so, what was it about or if not, have you thought about it? Share your comments #adoptionmonth #openletters.
Missy B. Salick